My job is to dream and hope and wait for him. My job is to get caught up in those who come before him– to feel that hope, to see that dream in them.

My job is to walk with his predecessors for a time– to learn and grow in their company. To revel in the potential that may exist under it all– yet to be unfolded, yet to be uncovered.

My job is to delight in the sweet, small moments that may form the foundation of a lifelong love. My job is to navigate the uncertainty that lies underneath it all as I seek out the truth and the future.

My job is to swallow the disappointing moments that sadly open my eyes to an ending that I hadn’t anticipated or hoped for. My job is to allow for space and time needed to breathe that heartache in as my dreams and hopes are forced to take on yet another shape.

My job is to be kind to myself as I do this work, recognizing that every high and low has its place and that my job is to allow myself to experience those fully without apology. My job is to be loving and forgiving of this beautiful heart of mine as it navigates this crooked and meandering love story that is mine and mine alone.

My job is to seek out restoration and refreshment in friends, family and faith to begin again in search of him, building myself up in strength, courage, healing, and freedom to set out once again on this journey, knowing that my heart is growing and stretching with every step. With every disappointment and every delight.

This is my job.
So if I might seem preoccupied or unbalanced at times, that’s just me hard at work. Please understand I’m only doing my job.

But rest assured, it’s only a temporary assignment– one that will soon be replaced with something else. An assignment just as challenging and beautiful as this one, but very different in appearance and requirements. All penned and written in God’s great design.

November 2013