I couldn’t fight it if I tried. I have tried many times but it keeps coming back. It swells up inside of me despite my reason and it wins every time. It wins when it shouldn’t. It rises up when I think it’s gone. When I’ve done everything in my power to keep it down, it peeks its way through to the surface despite all the obstacles I set before it.

It creeps into my consciousness without invitation and takes up residence in my heart without my permission– this hope, this relentless and oftentimes frustrating hope. It won’t go away no matter how hard I try. This tiny glimmer of a belief that what my heart yearns for might actually be mine.

What a nuisance. What a pest. What a sweet, sweet annoyance you are, Hope. I give up because I know you won’t. You’re bigger than me and denying that reality is more foolish than believing in things I can’t explain. You win and I’m glad to lay down my weapons before you.

So I allow you to take up your residence in my heart. I won’t demand that you leave the next time I’m hurt or disillusioned. I won’t curse you in my pain. I will welcome you back, Hope, even though it might sting. You win and I thank God for that.