A bold title to what could be considered unworthy subject matter, but it is the source of my inspiration so I’ll continue.

I have an incredible job. It utilizes all the best parts of me and puts me in a position to positively influence young people as they come into their own during their college years. Such a humbling and invigorating position and one that allows me to share the wisdom (dare I say) and perspective I’ve gained over the past three and a half decades of my life.

Another reason I love my job besides its strong sense of purpose is the fact that I’m on a 10-month contract and get to enjoy June and July off from work. A wonderful benefit but also a challenging shift in reality.

My last day of work before summer break was nearly two weeks ago. However, my transition has been delayed with the visit of a close friend this past weekend. I had several home projects that I undertook in anticipation of her visit– updating and painting the basement bedroom, painting the baseboard in the newly renovated bathroom, and recaulking the shower.

As is the case with most home projects, the timeline soon ballooned beyond original expectations. So the week I had off prior to her arrival would best be described as a condensed frenzy of activity that left me with little sleep and major surges of deadline-induced motivation coupled with bouts of anxiety and resignation.

Now that my friend and her daughter have left, I feel like I’m ushering myself into the true work of transition. Coming off 40 hours of work a week to 40+ hours of home project-ing this past week and now to no clear direction is challenging. It has its way of leaving a person a bit unsettled.

Last summer it took me weeks to make my way into a good and satisfying summer rhythm.  The second time around is always easier I assured myself. But today, on my first full weekday of freedom and aimlessness, I wonder if this adage will hold true.

The familiar fears creep up– loneliness, lack of identity and purpose, ambiguity. I know it sounds absurd to complain about it but to deny the struggle would be dishonest. But surprisingly, as I considered these things this evening, a surge of courage welled up inside of me.

Yes, this is challenging. Yes, I lose myself for a time in this space. Yes, I don’t know how long the transition will last nor do I know how to best navigate it. But even in considering all these things, the word “Unafraid” came to my mind. And in that moment, it occurred to me that the greater reality was not my fears and concerns but my courage and confidence.

Unwelcome insecurities always come to the surface during this time of transition but that’s part of the journey– a part of the journey that stretches and molds me. As with all transitions, growth is happening under the surface and I know I’ll come out different than when I started. And for that, I can be excited. For that reason, I can step into this uncertain time certain of the gift that awaits me on the other side.

This is the gift of the struggle if we allow it the space it needs to accomplish its good work of changing us.